Translated from Latin, Necesse est? means, Is it necessary? In recent years, thoughts have fallen from my lips with this question many times when it comes to some of the persons, places or things I’m confronted with. I feel like sharing them, but Necesse est?

CANE

This newcomer to CBS television has been hyped to no end. Promos all summer featuring Jimmy Smits as the Tony Montana-esque character, Alex Vega (BTW, isn’t that the name of the girl from Spy Kids?) who is head of some kind of family syndicate. I’ve seen billboards, coffee cup sleeves, and magazine ads,… all the the things that a company would do to market their product. That’s all well and good, but I still had no clue what exactly what the show was about. Now judging from the TV promos and the title of the show it self. I ignorantly assumed it was going to be another Latino drug/crime family story….so I watched. The Cane in the title refers to sugar cane, and the pilot episode basically amounted to, 2 families battling for control of the sugar cane market….I’m saying Dallas with JR and the Ewings, but replace oil with sugar cane ethanol, and Texans with Cubans.

This is not what’s so irksome about this particular affront to my senses.

It has a name, Lucia Duque premium rum.

Duque has three varieties, white, gold, and anejo, and a recovering liquor snob as myself was intrigued by its marketing and contemplated going to my favorite purveyor of spirits to try a bottle. Yeah, good thing I didn’t…Lucia Duque premium rum doesn’t exist!

Duque is the name of the fictional family in the show Cane, and the fictional product which the fictional family produces with their fictional company!

Just so I don’t come off to seem to be the most gullible jackass ever, please follow my train for a spell. In recent years, there has been a deluge of premium alcohol brands on the market, most visibly seen with vodka brands i.e. absolut, ketel one, VOX etc. Trickling down to the most recent spirits to go premium, your tequilas, and gin, simply because they take longer to produce. One could only assume, there would be a super premium rum available soon. I mean, I loves my Bacardi mojitos, and I can be a Captain’s bitch, but I like to switch positions sometimes to keep things fresh. Lucia Duque seemed to be just the thing.

Yeah, I was seduced by the glossy print ads, and the glamorous TV spots on cable, but ended up feeling violated, in that “no butter”* kind of way.

CBS television, I’m looking at you.

Marketing the crap out of what may be a crap show is one thing, but going as far as to co-market a fake product just as much without letting on that its tied into the show?

Necesse est ?

…or does it just mean I’m an alcoholic?

*as in… fucked in the ass with…